Half of me... Right down the middle; is really excited about all my plans for the future...building my home, starting an online business, advocacy and even this shy blog :)
The other half is terribly depressed and keeps me sitting in my glider, vacant expression, feet firmly immobilised and unable to hop to the first task.. Guess this is a mixed state or....
A full frontal eclipse...
With exactly half of me facing the sun in a future's-so-bright-I-gotta-wear-shades sort of way. The other half completly blocked out and peering gloomily into the dark void.
Hello Bipolar!
Sigh..
It's tricky to describe a mood disorder. I crave normal feelings, even regular crankiness anything but these extremes, made worse when they exist at the same time in the same body and mind. Feeling low is crippling to a bipolar- even your intelligence drops a few quotients #smirk. Then, feeling good equals being unhinged- a little too unhinged.
So.
I quit coffee and I figure if I can do that I can get through anything :). I should be off liquor too though I safely sip occasionally *wink.
Everyone has something carrying around - to keep them human... when you deny your flaw/weakness, you deny your humanity and can no longer empathize with the weaknesses of others.
So I walk around, coexisting with fellow members of humanity- thieves, murderers, mentally ill, broken, bruised, healed ...
... despite their current condition, I simply think: "That's their load, bipolar is mine...." - I smile, say hello and wonder if the unconditional acceptance of one human being can really make any difference.
Hmmm..
Thursday, 23 February 2012
Shedding Cultural Skin: Part 1
Disclaimer #1: I am hardly an expert on Jamaican culture in fact I fail miserably at grasping most of our accepted ways of thinking and behaving...Most of our die hard beliefs lack logic, reasoning of any form and are overdue for a well deserved intervening kick in the arse! ...but thats just my opinion: it doesnt have to be agreeable after all, our statistics are a series of paradoxical facts (or are they telling us something else?)
Such as the crime rate which is directly proportional to the number of churches and by extension - denominations,
But today is not church bashing day...
Apparently, it is a cultural disgrace for two Jamaican men to physically fight over a Jamaican woman - you know the not so proverbial love triangle gone sour or worse - public - eek!
So men are NOT to fight over women; it's almost as disgraceful as being boxed (bitch slapped) by a woman in Jamaica, which incidentally is another debatable double standard issue in the island.
But today is not women-who-bash bashing day...
It is: 'Why is it acceptable for two women to fight over a man but not two men over a woman' day!
So the story was spilled in the back store room by Puck*..... who was so revved up by it he had no problem retelling it 5 times as the remaining employees arrived; each time with added gusto and elaborated details.
Comments included: "look how many girls are in the world, why would I fight over one?" - fair enough, Puck. "What a disgrace, those men cant show their faces for awhile" - OK, wondering why. "Only fool-fool (foolish) men fight over a woman!) - clearly, who would fight over something with such little value.
OK, before my bitterness gets the best of me and sends me over the edge which I now hover, let me just state...
Disclaimer #2: I am against violence in any shape or form and can barely grant my 3 yr old a well-deserving slap on the wrist for sass.
But this conversation was getting out of hand...amid snickers, hoots and smirks that say: glad its not me - you know the ones that hide our own secret shame in someone else's public disgrace? Yep, those.
To make matters more grisly, apparently the object of contention was a lowly barmaid...oh the shame!
All is well and good, if you would never fight over a girl or for any other reason (kudos to you) but my angle - albeit consistently twisted, was this:
Fighting for my boyfriend is good entertaining stuff and encouraged in every other dance-hall song released, but me.... the awesome beautiful Jamaica woman that I am .....I am not worthy of a good jousting match?
Explain, Puck! Explain why it is OK for me to defend my relationship with my oh so worthy (and in short supply) so called good man... but he should never lift a finger against a man for me - Oh dear, have I answered my own question with the term 'short supply'? eek!
Sorry, but the ole equality obsessed monster in me was awakened by yet another clear display of gender prejudice.
Change and Grow peeps and think while you're at it. sigh
*names have been altered to preserve confidentiality #sheepish grin
Wednesday, 22 February 2012
Ever find a poster that captures exactly what you want to say? Steal it!
Sunday, 19 February 2012
On conformity.... yeah, its the quote queen :)
If in the last few years you haven't discarded a major opinion or acquired a new one, check your pulse. You may be dead. ~Gelett Burgess
If you resist reading what you disagree with, how will you ever acquire deeper insights into what you believe? The things most worth reading are precisely those that challenge our convictions. ~Author Unknown
No one remains quite what he was when he recognizes himself. ~Thomas Mann
The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself. ~Anna Quindlen
There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered. ~Nelson Mandela
A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it. ~Jean de La Fontaine
There are people who live their whole lives on the default settings, never realizing you can customize. ~Robert Brault
Readjusting is a painful process, but most of us need it at one time or another. ~Arthur Christopher Benson
The great majority of us are required to live a life of constant duplicity. Your health is bound to be affected if, day after day, you say the opposite of what you feel, if you grovel before what you dislike, and rejoice at what brings you nothing but misfortune. ~Boris Pasternak
Almost every man wastes part of his life in attempts to display qualities which he does not possess, and to gain applause which he cannot keep. ~Samuel Johnson
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Once conform, once do what others do because they do it, and a kind of lethargy steals over all the finer senses of the soul. ~Michel Eyquem de Montaigne
Labels are for filing. Labels are for clothing. Labels are not for people. ~Martina Navratilova
Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary. ~Albert Einstein
New opinions are always suspected, and usually opposed, without any other reason but because they are not already common. ~John Locke, An Essay Concerning Human Understanding
Just think of the tragedy of teaching children not to doubt. ~Clarence Darrow
If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. ~Anatole France
I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones. ~John Cage
One cannot erect, on the basis of a motive that exists only for a very few, an obligation that shall apply to everyone. ~Sigmund Freud, The Future of an Illusion
Tuesday, 7 February 2012
Happy Black History Month
The idea that a man's value should be determined by the shade of his skin is one that we have long done away with. What of mental slavery?
Let's also do away with determining one's value by the way they dress,their personal convictions, ideas and practices... The way in which they worship or the mosque/temple/church at which they choose to worship- their political beliefs, educational level, so called 'social standing'.
Let a man simply be himself- and Emancipate YOURSELF from mental slavery.
Change and Grow- SB
Monday, 6 February 2012
You think...
You love something, but you don't.. Not if you want to own it, suffocate it, have it fulfil your selfish desires, quiet your monstrous insecurities, and never let it be itself...
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