Sylphe or Stephanie? Who Am I?

In 2010/2011 while pursuing a graduate degree in Public Health, I was diagnosed (albeit self) with two incurable, untreatable diseases: Psoriasis, an immune condition of the skin triggered by stress and Bi-polar disorder, a mental health illness resulting in severe depression or excessive unrealistic feelings of high…the greater the high, the greater the low that followed it.

Strangely, the knowledge of these conditions didn’t take me by surprise neither did they plunge me into immediate despair and depression (unless that cycle of bi-polar had kicked in..lol). I have always found it a most interesting and amazing thing to 'self discover', whether good or bad, the little nuggets that create our me-ness”…. I have always felt special and different (and so should everyone, for we all are) and had often wondered what my unique individual contribution to mankind would be… Somewhat of a philosopher since the early age of nine, I dug constantly, analyzed and revisited many aspects of myself, my childhood and family in search of 'me'.

Recently, I have been looking for a way to combine skills learned in MPH with knowledge and personal desire, dreams and goals as well as my unique talents. I found this satisfying conclusion in the fact that I would help to develop Emotional Health as a discipline especially in developing countries where such things were scoffed at and a good scolding and some hot tea was the accepted treatment for any signs of emotional imbalance. With great intentions, there were many who due to ignorance were mis-diagnosing emotional problems and also the grand confusion and indistinct relationship with mental health/illness.

Two positives for the movement of emotional health forward were: 1. Stress, particularly in the workplace had gained considerable attention and less fortunately the suicide rate among teenagers and young people had risen (despite what Dr. Abel denies) in Jamaica. I saw my country unequipped to handle this based not only on lack of exposure but a cultural resistance to seeing emotional health as important as physical health. After all, according to Maslow’s Hierarchy, if most basic needs were not met, how could we even begin to acknowledge the growing need for a new discipline of health? Or how can we accept it as being equally important if we have lived so long without it?

So, who am I and where do I fit in to all these happenings? Having had Bipolar since adolescence (unknowingly) I recall the emotional struggles of fitting in, appearing 'normal', self esteem issues, parents divorce and many other tumultuous happenings in a teen's life. Even though I'm still here, clearly alive (maybe not so well) I completely understand the feelings that would lead to a teen attempting to take his or her own life. I empathize with every teenager who thinks that the world would be better off without them... I really do..

I have struggled through alone and unsuccessfully in many aspects and no adolescent should have to ever again. 

Emotional Health is personal to me. Only now at the age of twenty eight can I speak openly about depression and feelings of low self esteem and self harm. These things are real. I feel a need to educate my fellow Jamaicans and in doing so save your young people from needless suffering ....