To WIn, Someone Has to Lose?

Some girls in our Microbiology class were being particularly sneaky and selfish with some past papers. These were critical papers which would give us a strong idea of what to expect on finals.

Every third year Medical Technology student at University understands the importance of passing Microbiology (one of the more challenging disciplines).  We were all itching to glimpse the papers yet all we had were rumors of their existence...

One student could take no more of the selfish behavior. He finally blurted out to the group: "There are enough degrees being handed out for everyone. Why do you think others have to fail for you to pass?" The following day copies of the papers were found lying around the class for all students to access.

This Win-Lose mentality of competitive sports and games has controlled other aspects of our lives, unnecessarily and much to our detriment.

If someone has to look bad for you to feel good it doesn't say much about you.

There is a popular dance-hall song which choruses: "I am swagging, awww, too bad for you". Clearly suggesting that if I am swagging you can't be swagging too!

We see it in the corporate world as well. Managers are guilty of stifling the potential of subordinates (I hate that word by the way..ugh!). They refuse to delegate, shying away from giving up the tasks that have afforded them a particular status. When this happens, neither the manager nor the employees are allowed to grow.

Empowerment occurs when everyone wins. Everyone learns and grows from an experience and a Win-Win situation unfolds itself. This concept (now wholly adopted by me :) ), is described by Steven Covey as the 'third alternative':

You see, most people wont go through the tough work of Thinking Win-Win and Seeking First to Understand to get to the Third Alternative. It does in fact require a private victory; it requires considerable success at a personal level to get to the point where your security lies within you rather than in people's opinions of you or in being right. The power lies in your ability to be vulnerable because deep down, your integrity to your value system based on principles makes you invulnerable and secure. You can afford to be open to influence and be flexible. You can afford to search, not knowing where you will end up- knowing only that it will be better than where you and the other person are starting from.

The alternative begins with effective communication and results in co-operation. The Win-Lose mentality causes everyone to lose eventually. No one grows! It fosters selfishness, greed, corruption and monopoly.
Learning to work together so that everyone will benefit from a  project or task ensures empowerment of all parties involved.

Would you prefer to feel good when someone looks bad or feel good when you have helped someone else to look good.

Alanis Morrissette expressed it in her song, 'One'

"Did you just call her amazing? Surely we both can't be amazing. And give up my hard earned status of fabulous freak of nature? You mean we actually are all ...one."

- Change and Growth...SB

When things don’t quite add up, try changing the calculator.

It was in Statistics class that it happened. A group of variables could not be processed by a relatively known and accepted method because they failed to meet the criteria of ‘normalcy’ [normality is the actual statistical term]….

We were forced to try a different method of analyzing all the data or at least making it analyzable.. This we did by finding the log of each numeral, running the normal process then working out the anti-log to achieve the true value. It was tiresome (I wanted to quit half way through) but it worked.. We got a chance to work on the data set as if it had been normal (jeez stats is quite prejudiced..hmm).

Each of us has a unique lens through which we view the world and the happenings in it…a framework of sorts, a calculator; spitting out output based on our internal formulas. This system is influenced to a large extent by the way we see ourselves and more importantly by the programmed principles we have been exposed to and now accept as ‘truths’.

When faced with an unidentifiable situation (new) we may experience fear, denial, frustration, anger and confusion. Or if our framework has been sufficiently socially reinforced to the point where individual thinking rarely occurs, (for example if thinking is done for us) then we force that new situation into a pre-existing category in our minds. We stuff it in that box and ignore the truth and logic that we had to trim off to make it fit.

True change and growth occurs when we can find that new formula.... or experience that's called a paradigm shift.

It is time to challenge all 'knowns' or at least to question them. After all, no advancement in any area of civilization has ever occurred without first questioning the accepted truths.

Think of all the modern conveniences we now enjoy that never would have come about if some brave soul hadn't questioned the 'accepted truths'.

A night well spent.

Its funny how you get inspired in the most unlikely places.

We rode in numbing silence to the hospital after getting the call that my son had experienced yet another febrile convulsion ( a high unresponsive fever that triggers off epilepsy-like seizures), Strangely, I felt calm...unlike the first time, four months before when I was convinced that I was paying for some heinous unspeakable sin and surely deserved this punishment...This kind of thinking had been supported by my previous religious organization. I hadn't been to church in awhile, so here is the devil coming to take my child...?

Needless to say I felt the choking poisonous thoughts resurfacing and had to remind myself quite willfully to think positively. This time was surely different. I had grown from that, right? My indoctrinated thoughts could no longer hurt me now that I knew the truth about my organization and their intense need for control through dark means...

 I was better right? I sighed anxiously and got Oth settled in his hospital bed, plopped myself in the hard unyielding hospital chair reserved for Pediatric ward parents (they have gotta do something about those seats). I braced myself for a night of self flogging, despair and hopelessness.

...It never came. I barely slept but due to optimistic excitement about my blog, my website and a million other things that I could positively contribute to. I thought to myself: How could God want me dead (punished) after my mistake but at every turn I found myself being more and more enlightened and inspired to do wonderful things with my life and to help many people?

It so happened I brought a book, "The Authentic Power" and managed in a few chapters between sponging Othneil and carefully looking for signs of an impending seizure. It was just what I needed to whip my lazy mind back to reality. I felt so happy and upbeat I actually forgot where I was.

What if all the black and white rules we were taught about wrong and right and sin and purity were off by a few shades of gray with even some yellow , orange and green thrown in there for variety.

I made friends in the hospital that night. Women who worriedly watched over their babies and hushed them when they fussed. Women from all backgrounds and standings and religions. We bonded immediately over our singleness of purpose in that place...to see our child well and to take him/her home. A mother next to me actually got Othneil to drink his paracetamol (he has never ever!!!)....Others had encouraging words or teasing jokes to share. I was inspired.

My life isn't over! God isn't out to get me! I am still a person of value with much to offer.... But for so long, their opinions have taken a God-like role in my life that now even after leaving it is difficult to free my pattern of thought..... But I will. The night at the hospital was just another step, up another rung toward the true freedom to light and away from darkness and bondage wrapped in a frilly dress...

 Othneil: Mommy, say 'aah' [trying to get me to take his paracetamol...lol]

It was a night well spent...