Un- Eclipse me...

Half of me... Right down the middle; is really excited about all my plans for the future...building my home, starting an online business, advocacy and even this shy blog :)

The other half is terribly depressed and keeps me sitting in my glider, vacant expression, feet firmly immobilised and unable to hop to the first task.. Guess this is a mixed state or....


A full frontal eclipse...

With exactly half of me facing the sun in a future's-so-bright-I-gotta-wear-shades sort of way. The other half completly blocked out and peering gloomily into the dark void.

Hello Bipolar!

Sigh..

It's tricky to describe a mood disorder. I crave normal feelings, even regular crankiness anything but these extremes, made worse when they exist at the same time in the same body and mind. Feeling low is crippling to a bipolar- even your intelligence drops a few quotients #smirk. Then, feeling good equals being unhinged- a little too unhinged.

So.

I quit coffee and I figure if I can do that I can get through anything :). I should be off liquor too though I safely sip occasionally *wink.

 Everyone has something carrying around - to keep them human... when you deny your flaw/weakness, you deny your humanity and can no longer empathize with the weaknesses of others.

So I walk around, coexisting with fellow members of humanity- thieves, murderers, mentally ill, broken, bruised, healed ...

... despite their current condition, I simply think: "That's their load, bipolar is mine...." -  I smile, say hello and wonder if the unconditional acceptance of one human being can really make any difference.

Hmmm..

Ever find a poster that captures exactly what you want to say? Steal it!

he he

In ANY shape or form!!

Oh! Y'all know who ya are!!

Perspective is EVERYTHING! Think about that before you judge!

Ah! the joys of being free...

Negotiating the cards you've been dealt...

Let nothing get the best of you...'grounded' you...

Take each great happening with a grain of cynicism and every bad moment with a wisp of fantasy.

 Nothing lasts forever :)

SB - Change and Grow!

My bipolar hair...

 

Nope..I have not cut my hair...

But, like my personality it seems to prefer one end of the spectrum at a time... lol. When wet, it's super short and curly followed by frizzy and unruly. When heat blown, it straightens down my back and the colour is blinding in sunlight!

I have concluded that bipolar is a little like having a split personality... simply put. Like my hair - water acts as a trigger for it to change it's characteristics dramatically, and the heat calms it down, somewhat..

Similarly my triggers (bad memories, alcohol, coffee, OTC flu meds) cause a swing in mood so severe it's like two people exist in shifts in my body. 

I haven't really blogged directly about bipolar because I'm still trying to figure it out- atleast to me and how it affects me personally....meaning even though I have done enough  research to teach a course on it, I still think that each person has varying aspects that they struggle with even when afflicted (ooh strong word there!) with the same medical condition.

Another reason would be fear of stigma and discrimination, I admit quite reluctantly. It does seem a bit hypocritical though, considering all my talk about self-love and acceptance.... So here it is. I AM BIPOLAR (eek... hope too many ppl don't see this post) hehe. <----- hypocrisy is hard to kill...lol

I took medication once and had such a severe side effect that it has remained at 'once'! Instead I take Omega and other fatty acid supplements, avoid my triggers (wore black for a week  to mourn loss of coffee...*sniffles*), keep tabs on my moods, take frequent breaks when overwhelmed at work (now I really hope my boss isn't reading this) and basically get up everyday and tell myself "it's going to be OK" ...some days I actually believe it.

I think it's important like with any other illness to find what works... Oh oh !! Exercise and music therapy is seriously under-rated!! They work beautifully together. 

The key is to keep happy but grounded, although, only a bipolar would understand the dangers of being too happy... yeah.

My biggest challenge is remembering that bipolar is something I have, NOT who I am.