Me, rich?! Never!!

It took me some time (probably due to years of brainwashing)...but I've eventually arrived at the realization that;

Rich is not synonymous with evil!! *gasp*

In fact there is nothing wrong with being rich.  Getting rich by fraudulent means, perhaps; being rich and evading taxes- questionable; being rich and thinking you are better than others- definitely!!

But being rich itself is not a bad thing.

There are several people who have used their riches to help empower others. "Empower" being the key word since handouts equals slavery insurance..

So, somewhere in Half Way Tree, Kingston while slushing it through street city mud to fight my way into an illegal taxi; the obnoxious driver of which ordered me to "come outta mi car nuh woman!!!"- I decided I wanted to be rich.

Just imagine this is the only means of transportation for most people. At this particular point, it was an option for me.

The demure, prudent chant most of my life was: "I don't want to be rich, I want to be comfortable".  It was repeated in school and reinforced in church. Sigh. Why, why do I always end up talking abt church. Sigh. My poor therapist. ..

Same people who, by the way, were 'comfortable' enough to have SUV's but not well-off enough to help someone with groceries for sunday dinner - not a hypothetical scenario.

Somehow, somewhere that religious environment encouraged this twisted belief. No shocker. Oh right! That bible verse. The one about it being "hard for a rich man to enter heaven". Ah!!

 That and some choice  adjectives just seemed inextricably linked. Eg. Rich fool, evil rich man, selfish rich person etc. So. The loaded language promoted that line of thinking.

Well newsflash false humility bearers!! To be comfortable in a third world country, you kinda gotta be rich.

There were no rich people in church. Oh sure, they drove cars and lived in nice homes had kids in prep school and enjoyed annual vacations, but they were all up to their eyeballs in debt!

Their highly paid salaries competed with mortgages, car payments, credit card payments as they struggled along in financial mediocrity.

I called my sister one morning after hustling by public transportation to Kingston, late for class and too tired and traumatised from the trip to catch what was left of it...

"Paula, you were right, not only is poverty a lack of bare necessities but a state of indignity."

Transportation is one form of this imposed indignity. If I start on healthcare I will weep.

After my son underwent successful ENT surgery at one of the country's private hospitals, I solidified my resolve to acquire wealth (ooh felt dirty writing that. Smh). The surgery cost Ja$267,000 . No matter what country you're from or what currency you are accustomed to, it is a huge sum. ..way above our means.

My father whom I owe a million apologies for elevating to monster status due to his riches had with little prompting and no hesitation, written the cheque.

Another deeply psychological factor in my aversion to money had to do with his financial success with coincided with my parents' divorce. And, as unrelated variables usually are, his acquiring wealth was engraved as causation for my parents' spilt in our family forever.

I cannot begin to express (again..) how important it is for human beings to think for themselves. I think with remorse of all the financial advice I ignored from my dad merely because he said it...

Wealth is not what you drive or how luxurious your house is, daddy would say... Its a balance between how much you owe and how many years of slavery would pay off ur bills.
With a wag of his calloused, hard working finger he warned me against loans of ANY kind.... Not even hire purchase at the country's most popular furniture/appliance store - Courts.
 My dad despised loans.

I have come 360 degrees in finally accepting the advice of my dad. At 28, I was married, had a toddler, lived in a roadside apt, had a grad school loan, 2 credit card loans and a hire purchase loan from Courts plus no job!!!

Have I learnt my lesson?

Well, I've paid off one credit card while making significant dents in another, I now have a stable savings plan and a college fund for my three year old.

Most importantly, I have a wealth plan. Its an intricate individualized financial scheme (sounds sinister, doesn't it?) tailored to my goals and income.

I qualify for an NHT loan, but will resist. I've never relished bondage and $19,000 every month for the next 40 years for a mediocre dwelling sounds like just that. Ugh! 

I have plans: Eeek!

To start my own businesses (yes, several). Online or face to face, owning a business appears to be a fast way out of the cyclic rat race and into financial independence and freedom.

Wanting to be rich is not necessarily a dirty, selfish ambition as I previously, haughtily assumed. It's a logical methodological decision to be in a position to actually do things and help people, not just to yap about it.

Hopefully I'll help to empower other females with this lowly blog.

Instead of living within my means, I've decided how I would like to live and I am working towards the means to afford that lifestyle. - SB

Sent from my BlackBerry® device from Digicel

Who needs a relationship when you have a cause?

On relationships and other distractions….

I’m addicted to planning, clearly…. It’s the Virgo in me.  I’m also slightly Leon which is a relief, I’ve never felt like a true Virgo anyway…And you are wondering what the hell I’m talking about .

Ok…

The never-ending search continues digging and probing into self with various psychological and now astrological instruments…. Red Button says Sylphe sounds like self-search – somehow… I’m drifting. You will notice that this post is  poorly constructed, worded, thought out and riddled with stray points, loops and distractions – which leads me back to my original point….

Intimate relationships are distracting…

I’m sitting on this overlapping leg of life where at 30 (ok….29), I’m desperately trying to unlearn all of the  ideas and beliefs I mindlessly swallowed and find what suits me best based on my unique identity. It happens to us all; to varying degrees at various intervals of life. In grade 3 we were taught in Subtraction that three minus five – you can’t!! Then by grade six the answer to the same question changed quite concretely to negative two!! It went on and on like this with Math especially. Problems thought to be unsolvable, would be attacked with a new more complicated formula etc..

I despise absolutes and I believe knowledge to be cumulative. Things learned in the past are superseded by better information from a more knowledgeable (or more evolved) source.

Old ideas become obsolete when new improved ways are discovered. Dear Darling.. Don’t even think about mentioning God. The myriad of interpretations of the bible alone has not even begun to scratch the iceberg’s surface. I believe in evolution… not just of man but of beliefs, religions, even truths. Darn it! I’ve strayed again haven’t I?

*shuffling back meekly*

Back to relationships….

I’m in one.....

  With a guy.....

     Who shan’t be named....

 Despite my self-professed cynicism, I am a romantic at heart (gross). But the thing is this: I’m beginning to wonder if I have been substituting true empowerment ( which I stumbled upon on my way out of a legalistic organization and away from a religious marriage) for some flowery feelings which will eventually wilt. You see the consistent flow of inner conflict? My realism and romanticism are at it again.

So Astrology is my latest interest (via my convicted sis)…. Wait a minute!! I see a pattern here!! (For another post, I promise…).

If I am a perfect Leo/Virgo cusp (that’s a person whose signs overlap and hence they display characteristics of both)[ Random thought: Virgos sound anal], that would explain a lot!! I am also exploring the possibility of bipolars merely being on the cusp of two very incompatible zodiac signs. I am a perfect blend of the lion and the virgin.

Anyway….no more drifts no matter how entertaining it is…

My neglected blog is evidence of my shift in mental/creative energy towards my new beau. After months of bashing (when will I learn not to bash?) disempowered women, I am severely embarrassed. My slightly addictive and quite obsessive nature (as pointed out by my cardiologist) has led me to be quite smitten with this twirly glittery thing I will call “deep like” – I choked that out, I swear!

I feel the sweaty palmed fear of Liz in ‘Eat Pray Love’ at the notion of losing this new independent/empowering/self-accepting plane that I grasped with slippery hands and somehow heaved myself up on. I’ve feared to the point where I shaped this damning opinion; that relationships are for weaklings who didn’t know themselves and are clearly beneath me.

Julia Roberts ['Liz' in Eat Pray Love]

This feeling is encouraged especially if I break out in a rampage while searching for empowering material on the Net. I am the left with a euphoric independent high, one rank up on the mentally evolved chain.

*gasp* could this be: Independent pride?

It isn’t all in my head though. Studies have linked autonomy to happiness. Being single is exhilarating! It’s the new chic, and not just a fad either.

Maybe: The key is to maintain autonomy by recognizing that I want/choose to be in a cuddly sweet twirly thing however I don’t need to be in one. In other words, I’m still Stephie, the kooky bipolar, enjoying this journey in unexplored territory. Still me… just dating a nice guy (he is quite nice ).

Can I maintain my independence and by extension- identity or will the annoyingly feminine part of me start to shape shift to better ‘fit’ him. This is my true fear. Especially after realizing that it is easier to conform than to maintain one’s unique edges.

I like my edges.

 “The notion that there is someone out there waiting to ‘complete’ you lends itself to the ridiculous idea that you are incomplete alone” - SB

Happy Black History Month

The idea that a man's value should be determined by the shade of his skin is one that we have long done away with. What of mental slavery?

Let's also do away with determining one's value by the way they dress,their personal convictions, ideas and practices... The way in which they worship or the mosque/temple/church at which they choose to worship- their political beliefs, educational level, so called 'social standing'.


Let a man simply be himself- and Emancipate YOURSELF from mental slavery.

Change and Grow- SB

Express Yourself!!.....

 .... if someone has a problem with it, just remember, it's THEIR problem! ;)

I had my toenails french manicured, hot pink!!

Something I would NEVER have considered 6 months ago!! (The horror -gasp-)

I now see myself quite differently having embraced that wild spunky girl I used to be *longing*. That and a hell-bent mission to pointedly look as UN-apostolic as possible.

[See: Lifting of the Edges and More Religious-psychobabble]

Self expression is a need as powerful as air to me now. The freedom to self express... well, is the ultimate form of human existence!!!

To WIn, Someone Has to Lose?

Some girls in our Microbiology class were being particularly sneaky and selfish with some past papers. These were critical papers which would give us a strong idea of what to expect on finals.

Every third year Medical Technology student at University understands the importance of passing Microbiology (one of the more challenging disciplines).  We were all itching to glimpse the papers yet all we had were rumors of their existence...

One student could take no more of the selfish behavior. He finally blurted out to the group: "There are enough degrees being handed out for everyone. Why do you think others have to fail for you to pass?" The following day copies of the papers were found lying around the class for all students to access.

This Win-Lose mentality of competitive sports and games has controlled other aspects of our lives, unnecessarily and much to our detriment.

If someone has to look bad for you to feel good it doesn't say much about you.

There is a popular dance-hall song which choruses: "I am swagging, awww, too bad for you". Clearly suggesting that if I am swagging you can't be swagging too!

We see it in the corporate world as well. Managers are guilty of stifling the potential of subordinates (I hate that word by the way..ugh!). They refuse to delegate, shying away from giving up the tasks that have afforded them a particular status. When this happens, neither the manager nor the employees are allowed to grow.

Empowerment occurs when everyone wins. Everyone learns and grows from an experience and a Win-Win situation unfolds itself. This concept (now wholly adopted by me :) ), is described by Steven Covey as the 'third alternative':

You see, most people wont go through the tough work of Thinking Win-Win and Seeking First to Understand to get to the Third Alternative. It does in fact require a private victory; it requires considerable success at a personal level to get to the point where your security lies within you rather than in people's opinions of you or in being right. The power lies in your ability to be vulnerable because deep down, your integrity to your value system based on principles makes you invulnerable and secure. You can afford to be open to influence and be flexible. You can afford to search, not knowing where you will end up- knowing only that it will be better than where you and the other person are starting from.

The alternative begins with effective communication and results in co-operation. The Win-Lose mentality causes everyone to lose eventually. No one grows! It fosters selfishness, greed, corruption and monopoly.
Learning to work together so that everyone will benefit from a  project or task ensures empowerment of all parties involved.

Would you prefer to feel good when someone looks bad or feel good when you have helped someone else to look good.

Alanis Morrissette expressed it in her song, 'One'

"Did you just call her amazing? Surely we both can't be amazing. And give up my hard earned status of fabulous freak of nature? You mean we actually are all ...one."

- Change and Growth...SB